Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
