Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
