Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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