even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
