Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
