Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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