Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
