she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
