I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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