He had one of those small greek statue penises
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
