I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
