I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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