Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
