I just made out with a guy for $7.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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