I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
