well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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