I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize