i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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