just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
