good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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