Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
