is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have already put on my inside pants.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
