Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize