id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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