Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
