He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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