I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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