I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
