I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
