he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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