Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
