I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
