You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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