If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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