I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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