My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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