I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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