I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
