i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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