she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
