all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
