Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
