dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize