that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
