I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
