At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
