I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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