____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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