Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize