I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
