As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize