I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
