Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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