What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
