i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
