My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
