I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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