I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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