You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
