I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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