I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
