is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
