It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
