Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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