I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
