am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
