the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize