Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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