My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
