i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
