if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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