in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize