I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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