Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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