She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize