Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
