Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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