Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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